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Fatwa CenterHis wife refuses to reconcile with him because he hurt her verbally
Question
Assalamualaikkum, My name is Shafi. I was married on 16th of Feb, 2003. We have been happy since we got married. Our only problem is with my wife's parents. They are not giving me respect from the begining. So, there will be little problems arise and went off. Before 6 months, I tried to go for US. After spending 2 lakhs(approach) i was failed on that effort and losed money. Due to my depression, i blamed my wife of not supporting in my efforts. I blamed severly their parents also. And i asked help from my wife but she refused. So, i shed words on her which affected her and make her mental torture. After i realized that she is been dissappointed by my activities, i tried consoling her. In the mean time she got a job in a College and now she is working. i keep trying to seek forgiveness, but she is getting angry not convinced. Its been 2 and half month since i've met her, talked with her. Its been almost 6 months since i had sex with her. so, in this regard, wot should i do to live with her in peace and harmony? How to convince her? how to stop her from going to job? And i am going to Dubai in 1 week. Inshallah. So please advice me to live with her without any further problems. I realized all my mistakes. If there any way you can meet my wife in person or contact her through any source would be helpfull. I am always in tension, due to this problem. I need peace with the help of Allah and Rasool. So, i am expecting your reply to take further steps. Wassalaam. Shafi
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger. We ask Allaah to exalt his mention as well as that of his family and all his companions.
Hasting things and not taking it easy is the reason of every evil. Therefore, if you had accused her without any evidence, you are wrong and you are obliged to repent. However, she should accept your apologies since you apologised to her. Forgiving is one of the characteristics of the noble and pious people. Therefore, we advise you to endeavour to convince her. In doing so, you should first seek Allaah's Help, then the help of whomever you believe could influence her.
Nonetheless, what you did is not a reason for her to leave her marital home and refuse to share the bed with you; otherwise she is exposed to the Curse of Allaah and being deprived from His Mercy. The Prophet 
said: "When a man calls his wife to his bed (for intercourse) and she refuses and he spends the night upset with her, the angels keep on cursing her till the morning." [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
Furthermore, she is not permitted to go to work except with your permission if you already fulfil your obligations towards her, like spending on her and providing her with clothing. If she persists in this condition she is disobedient, in this case you should advise her and appoint rational and pious people from your family and hers to arbitrate between you. Then, if reconciliation takes place, all perfect praise be to Allaah, otherwise if she persists on disobeying you and neglecting you, then you may divorce her.
Allaah Knows best.
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