Home
Discover Islam
Quran Recitations
Lectures
Fatwa
Articles
Fiqh
E-Books
Women
Boys & Girls 
Enter Question
View By Subject
Fatwa Of The Week
Selected Fatwa
Fatwa CenterComplains that her husband grossly disrespects her
Question
My husband and I are from different countries but we are both born and practising Muslims. I speak conversational Arabic, which I picked up and learnt in an Arab country, which is also the place I met my husband. The problem is that due to different cultures and difference in language (I mean Arabic although he speaks English well), I often misunderstand him and this turns into big fights. He often calls me names of animals, such as Himaara, Baqarah, Jamoosa, etc... Sometimes to the extent in front of my 2 years-old. Also he often brings up my past, which was that although I was never freely mixing with men, but because I was working then, he often states that I am picked up from the street and that he often hints I was cheap (despite I come from a strict Muslim practising family and we did not even date or anything before marriage). My questions are:
1. What is a husband's right in calling the wife names?
2. What is a husband's right in being angry if the wife cannot control her menses due to after giving birth, there are a few problems?
3. What is a husband's right in threatening that he will marry another one from his own race, threaten to the extent that the wife is too tired to be sad and even prays he do so?
4. What is the husband's right in taking away the son (2 years-old) and sending him away from the mother to his native country to his grandmother so that the son can speak Arabic, although the mother does not agree?
5. Can a husband bring up the past of the wife to degrade her?
I hope these questions will be answered.
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger. We ask Allaah to exalt his mention as well as that of his family and all his companions.
Islam aims to establish marital life on mutual respect and understanding between the spouses. Allaah says (which means): {And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses, etc.) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect, etc.) to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them.}[Quran 2:228]. In fact Islam emphasizes that a husband should be kind to his wife and should live with her honourably. The Prophet 
said: "The best among you are the best to their wives, and I am the best to my wives." [Al-Tirmithi and Ibn Maajah] Moreover, a Muslim should preserve his tongue from immoral statements as the Prophet said: "A believer is neither a slanderer nor a curser, nor is he obscene or vulgar." [Ahmad and Ibn Hibbaan] So if this is how one should be with the general Muslims, then it is more appropriate to preserve these teachings with the spouse. Besides, a Muslim is innocent so one should not suspect him without evidence. In the sight of Allaah, a noble and honourable person is the one who fears Allaah most and does righteous deeds and not the one who is from a good family lineage and the like. Allaah says (which means): {Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allaah is the most righteous of you.}[Quran 49:13].
Therefore, it is not permissible for a husband to blame his wife for things that are out of her control, like when she is in menses, as the Prophet said: "This is a matter that Allaah has decreed on the females of the children of Aadam." [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
If the husband wants to marry a second wife and is able to be just between his wives, then it is permissible for him to do so. However, he should not hurt the feelings of his first wife and use this as a means to irritate or sadden her.
On another matter, it should be noted that the mother has a right in her children, so taking them away from her without her consent and without a sound religious reason is not permissible. Even if there is a benefit in taking the children away from her, the husband and the wife should agree on this.
Based on the above, if your husband is as you stated in the question, we advise you to be patient on him and advise him in a nice and good manner and supplicate to Allaah as much as possible to make him a righteous man. You may seek the help of some righteous and pious people, as they might succeed in guiding him. If this is achieved, all Perfect Praise be to Allaah, otherwise, you can ask for divorce in order to remove the harm from you; however, we advise you to be cautious and balance between the benefit of staying with him and the benefit of divorcing him.
Allaah knows best.
Search Fatwa
Fatwa Subject
