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Fatwa CenterHer mother is very strict regarding her choice of friends
Question
I am a 22 years-old unmarried Muslimah living with my parents, and I am facing problems with my mom.... My mom is very possessive and mostly won't let me decide on my own personal things on my own. One example is my friends... she has a problem with all my friends... it would just take her a month or 2 before she tells me not to befriend this one or that one. I trust her views and understand why she's doing it, but at the same time it makes me so miserable and I cannot possible live a life without friends! My friends are Muslims who follow the Sharee'ah as much as they can Al-Hamdu Lillaah, and besides, there's no one who is completely perfect and un-faulty. I would like to know what is my stand as a daughter, how much do I have to follow her and what are the boundaries, because at the moment I feel like there will be a time when I can't follow all she wants and expects from me and I'm afraid, will that simply take me to Hellfire?
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger. We ask Allaah to exalt his mention as well as that of his family and all his companions.
The mother has a great right over her children, she bore them in her womb and was exhausted bringing them up and spent sleepless nights because of them. That's why the Prophet 
emphasised her status when he was asked about who deserves one's good company and he said: "Your mother". Then the man asked again: "Then, who?” The Prophet replied: "Then your mother". The man furthermore asked: "Then, who?” He replied: "Then your mother". The man again said: "And then who?” He replied: "Then your father." [Al-Bukhari and Muslim] Therefore, we advise you to be kind to your mother and obey her within what is permissible, i.e. in things that are not a disobedience to Allaah and that do not cause harm to you or a burden that you could not bear. So you have to obey your mother regarding your female friends; it might be that she is more knowledgeable about them than you, especially since you mentioned that she is seeking your benefit. You have to try to convince her to allow you to befriend those whom you know to be religious and have good moral character. There is no harm in seeking the help of her relatives and others in order to convince her. If she agrees, all perfect praise be to Allaah. If not, you have to obey her, as we have previously stated, provided that this does not cause harm to you or a burden that you could not bear, because in such a case you are not required to obey her as obedience is within what is permissible.
Allaah Knows best.
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