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Fatwa CenterWants to encourage family to practice Islam without making them angry
Question
All praise be to Allah who took me out of ignorance. Since last Ramadan I completely changed my lifestyle. However, I am the only in my family who is practicing the Deen, and I find it difficult to approach my family especially my parents because Allah has said in the Qur’an to address them in terms of honour. Thus, I do not want to hurt them or make them angry. My father is bitter towards his brother and to some of his relatives; one who has a 15% chance to live. She asked to see my father on many occasions but he would not go. I fear that he would not even attend her Janaza, which is a due for a Muslim. I know by the time I get a reply it may be too late (Allah knows best); however, please advise me on how to encourage them to practice the Deen.
Answer
Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds; and may His blessings and peace be upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon all his Family and Companions.
Advising one’s parents is not considered as being undutiful to them. However, the children advising their parents should do so in the best ways and with soft words when enjoining them to do good or forbidding them from committing evil deeds, and if they know that doing so makes them angry, then they have to stop advising them.
‘Al-Hasan was asked about children advising their parents (enjoining them to do good and forbidding them from doing evil), he said, they should admonish the parents as long as they do not get angry.
Ibn Abidin reported the saying of scholars: The children should forbid their parents once when they see them doing evil; if the parents take heed it is good, otherwise they have to stop advising them if that harms them. And they have to ask Allah to guide them and forgive them. [Enjoining good and forbidding evil, Page: 195]
You are saying that it is obligatory upon your father to follow the funeral of his relative; we do not know of anyone who says that it is obligatory. Rather, following a funeral is desirable for men and disliked for women.
Al-Nawawi said in al-Majmou’: ‘….it is desirable for men to follow the funeral until the dead is buried, this is something on which there is a consensus. As for women, it is disliked for them to follow the funeral, but it is not Haram.’ [Volume: 5, Page: 236]
Even if the dead person is a relative, it is not obligatory on him to follow his funeral, but it is confirmed that it is desirable.
Nevertheless, it is a Wajib (obligation) for a person in this life to establish ties with relatives, because cutting ties with relatives is one of the major sins. Allah Says (interpretation of meaning): {Would you then, if you were given the authority, do mischief in the land, and sever your ties of kinship? Such are they whom Allâh has cursed, so that He has made them deaf and blinded their sight.}[47:22-23].
What we advise you in this matter is to tell your father in a good and soft manner, and do not be sad whether he responds or not, as the matter is in the Hands of Allah.
If you find that advising him makes him angry and he does not accept advice, do not advise him, and ask Allah to guide him and make him righteous.
Allah knows best.
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