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Fatwa CenterProblems because of living with in-laws
Question
Assalaamu alaykum. I want to explain my situation; I have been married for 17 years, and we have six children together. My mother-in-law has been living with us ever since we got married. My in-laws have been separated for a while now, but my father-in-law was living at my brother-in-law's house, and ever since they moved back home, my father-in-law and brother-in-law have been coming over daily for dinner and spend time. I have a brother-in-law that hardly asks about her. This has been going on for three and a half years now. (They are thinking about letting her live with them - my father-in-law's and brother-in-law's house.) I am worried that it is haram for her to live there. My question is: is it lawful in our religion for her to live with them? They are here half the time anyways. I feel like I cannot do anything in my life because I always have them around, and I also have my six children. I feel stuck in my life and cannot accomplish anything with my kids and life. I feel like I am not appreciated by my children or in-laws and that everything is for nothing. On top of that, they are always making fun of my weight. (I eat when I am mad because I cannot change anything.) My kids can also not move freely, like sports or going out with friends, because everything is not right; they are scared that they are going to run away. Might I add: my father-in-law is not even that religious.
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allah, the Lord of the worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah and that Muhammad, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His slave and Messenger.
We have previously clarified that one of the wife's rights over her husband is to provide her with a separate residence where she would be at ease without any inconvenience. Please refer to fatwas 88654 and 84608. The situation you described is indeed harmful; however, we advise you to be patient and to try to reach an understanding with your husband to spare you such inconvenience. You should also supplicate Allah as much as you can to rectify your situation, facilitate your affairs, and relieve your distress.
We do not understand why you fear that it would be unlawful if your mother-in-law lived with your father-in-law and brother-in-law. If you mean that he divorced her and that her ʻIddah (post-divorce waiting period) has already expired (and accordingly she has become non-Mahram [alien] to him), then this per se does not forbid her from living with them as long as there is no fear of committing a Shariah violation such as them staying together in seclusion or that he sees her without her proper hijaab and the like; all this is impermissible under the Shariah. Also, an attempt should be made to reconcile between this couple and bring them back together if possible (in case she was not irrevocably divorced with major separation; i.e. he divorced her a total of three times).
Your husband's brother, who does not ask about his mother, should be given advice in this regard and be reminded that his actions contradict the dutifulness towards the parents that Muslims are ordered to observe. It may even be considered prohibited undutifulness on his part, and this would be a serious misdeed. Please refer to fatwa 87019 on the rights of the parents over their children.
Also, those who make fun of you for being overweight should be given advice, because it is prohibited to make fun of a fellow Muslim. Allah, the Exalted, says (what means): {O you who have believed, let not a people ridicule (another) people; perhaps they may be better than them; nor let women ridicule (other) women; perhaps they may be better than them. And do not insult one another and do not call each other by (offensive) nicknames. Wretched is the name of disobedience after (one's) faith. And whoever does not repent - then it is those who are the wrongdoers.} [Quran 49:11]
Allah knows best.
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