A husband's mother is Christian and tortures her daughter-in-law, but the husband only trusts his mother and never believes his wife due what his mother says. His mother always creates wrong situations and proves that the daughter-in-law is wrong. Before, the newly married husband would only scold his wife because of the wrong allegations, but now he has started beating her. His mother tells him to divorce me, but I have one daughter. I told him that I wanted my own seperate kitchen and got it after 10 years of my marriage, but my husband does not eat with me and my child. I told him that I want more kids but he refused. I also requested to teach, and he agreed but his mother refused, so he then also refused. My husband told me that he will arrange a rental house for me, but his mother refused and told him to divorce me and that I can teach then. Please tell me what to do, my mother-in-law does not like me, but when she sees everyone or my husband, then she speaks to me politely; otherwise, she tortures me because my mother-in-law created a wrong image of me, so my husband does not trust me. He wants me to do all his mother's house work like cooking, cleaning the house, washing the clothes. In addition to that, I do all my own work and take care of my daughter; even my mother-in-law wants this. Now my husband told me that he is lives with me for my daughter and has no connection with me. I do not know what my fault is. Sometimes, nowadays, I abuse him; I know that that is wrong, but I do not know what to do, but I know that it is not good.

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.

You have mentioned many matters about your husband and his mother, and if all this is true, then they are very wrong. The mother has no right to intervene between her son and his wife in a manner that could spoil their marital life. On the other hand, the son should not believe his mother in everything that she says about his wife, but he must find out the truth, as Allaah ordered in His Book, as He says (what means): {O you who have believed, if there comes to you a disobedient one with information, investigate, lest you harm a people out of ignorance and become, over what you have done, regretful.} [Quran 49:6]

Moreover, your husband’s obedience to his mother is only required in what is permissible, and if she orders him to do something that could harm his wife, then his mother is not to be obeyed about it. Also, he should not divorce his wife if she orders him to divorce her without a sound Islamic reason, as has been discussed in fataawa 84942 and 84056.

Also, it is not a part of keeping good marital relations that he wrongs his wife, beats her and abuses her, or prevents her from her right, such as providing her with a housing that is independent with its own amenities, or that he prevents her from having children as these are both her rights on him. Please refer to fataawa 84608 and 82274.

Also, a husband is not permitted to oblige his wife to serve his mother unless she does so out of her own proper will.

As regards teaching, then a husband is not obliged to allow his wife to teach unless she had stipulated that as a condition before the marriage (contract) and he agreed to the condition; in which case he must fulfill it to her. Please refer to fatwa 224677.

In general, the husband should strive to balance between his wife and his mother as much as possible, so he should not wrong one of them at the expense of the other; please refer to fatwa 86372.

Hence, we advise you to supplicate Allaah to reconcile between the two of you and facilitate the matter and repel harms and evil, as Allaah answers the call of the distressed one and makes a way out of difficulties.

Allaah says (what means): {Is He [not best] Who responds to the desperate one when he calls upon Him and removes evil and makes you inheritors of the earth? Is there a deity with Allaah? Little do you remember.} [Quran 27: 62]

Secondly: You should be keen on convincing your husband that dialogue and understanding should be the basis for solving the problems between you, and you should have an understanding with him in light of the etiquette and rulings of Islam that we have mentioned above.

Thirdly, if necessary, you should seek the help of the rational people from among your family and your husband’s family, hoping that Allaah would make them a reason for solving the problems between the two of you.

Fourthly, which is the most important, you should try to call your mother-in-law to Islam in a wise manner and with good admonition, either directly or indirectly, depending on what is more beneficial. Among the beneficial and useful ways is to gift her a book or a tape about the good traits of Islam or some stories of new converts and so forth. Let this be accompanied by a material gift, because gifts are a means to win the hearts.

We should also point out that it is rude that the husband says to his wife that he lives with her just for the sake of his daughter and that he does not have any relation with her. Even if we presume that he hates you, he should not say such a thing to you, and he is not permitted to be unjust regarding your rights upon him.

On the other hand, it is not permissible for the wife to harm her husband, but if she does that in revenge, then some scholars are of the view that it is permissible.

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen said, "This is evidence about the greatness of the rights of the husband on his wife, but this is in regard to the husband who is fulfilling the rights of his wife on him. In case he is defiantly disobedient, and he does not fulfill her right, then she has the right to take revenge against him and not give him his full right; Allaah says (what means): {So whoever has assaulted you, then assault him in the same way that he has assaulted you.} [Quran 2:194] Allaah says (what means): {And if you punish [an enemy, O believers], punish with an equivalent of that with which you were harmed.} [Quran 16:126]"

Nonetheless, it is more appropriate that you do not do so as, most likely, there is no benefit in it, and your husband will become even more stubborn with you.

Allaah knows best.