Assalaamu alaykum. My husband and I have been married for 17 years, and he has been using drugs for much of those 17 years. It has gotten much better, praise be to Allaah, but it has not stopped. He admits it only after he really messes up. A lot of things have gone wrong because of this, to the extend that he has been in an accident and forgotten where he left the kids. When I confront him and phone his parents, he becomes angry and leaves and threatens to divorce me. How can I make him see reason, and how can I make his parents understand that they have to be a part of this to help because if he leaves the house for days, then they do not even bother to check on me and the kids but they phone him regularly to check if he is ok? I do not go to my family many of the times to avoid him being embarrassed when we are back together but going to his parents does not seem to be helping either. Thank you.
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.
First of all, we ask Allaah to relieve you of your worries, remove your distress, rectify your husband, and guide him to the Straight Path.
The first thing that we advise you with is patience, it is the best thing that an afflicted person resorts to, as the consequence of patience is much goodness; for more benefit on the virtues of patience, please refer to fatwa 83577.
Secondly, you should supplicate and think good of Allaah, as the one who hopes in Him never gets disappointed. Allaah says (what means): {And when My servants ask you [O Muhammad] concerning Me - indeed I am near. I respond to the invocation of the supplicant when he calls upon Me. So let them respond to Me [by obedience] and believe in Me that they may be [rightly] guided.} [Quran 2:186]
Thirdly, you should be keen on advising your husband in a gentle and soft manner to persuade him while avoiding anything that could provoke him. If you need to tell his parents, then let this be without him being aware of it. His parents should have a role in reforming him, and they should ask about you and his children, as this is part of kindness among the in-laws.
If the interference of his parents in the problem is of no avail, then it might be better to seek the help of some rational and pious people from among your family and his so that they would look into the matter and decide what is best.
For benefit on some useful guidelines for a wife who is in the same circumstances with her husband like you, please refer to fatwa 86282.
Allaah knows best.
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