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Fatwa CenterHer daughter is negatively affected by her ex-husband and non-Muslim family
Question
Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah I would like to get some advice on my situation which is giving me a great deal of distress. I have a daughter three years old from my ex husband. I am a convert to Islam, and after i wanted to start practising Islam i got a lot of problems with my daughters father. He is born muslim but does not practise his religion at all. We are now divorced. He doesnt see his daughter often, once every second week, but im very scared about the influence he may have on her. When he comes to take her, he almost all the time takes her to my family, who doesnt want anything to do with me after I became practising muslim. They hate Islam, and the way im trying to raise my daughter. My ex husband also does not like at all how i try to raise our daughter, and he many times tried to prevent me from raising her Islamically. He gave my daughter pig to eat before, i dont know about now, but he does not take care of Islamic rules. The situation is that my daughter loves her father and my family very much. She is asking me to go there many times. There she gets a lot of attention, presents and has a lot of fun. Im really scared about how their influence will affect her Islam, so much so Im feeling depressed at times. Im scared she will not choose Islam when she gets older, and that she will want to move to her father when she gets older and has a right to participate in such decisions. I want to move far away from her father and my family, but i do not have the possibilty to do that now. I also need consent of her father to move to another country. I know that my bad thoughts and sad feelings is a sign of lack of eeman, and that I have to put my trust in Allah that He will protect my daughter insha Allah. Please give some advice on how I should deal with this situation with my daughter. I want to feel secure, and put all my trust in Allah, but I feel it is difficult to get to this level and not feel any concern. May Allah protect us all. Jazak Allah khayr
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His Slave and Messenger.
It should be known to you, may Allaah grant you success, that Allaah The Almighty does not charge a soul beyond its capacity, and whoever does as much as he can, he has indeed become free from obligation. So, you should not burden yourself with what you cannot endure, nor charge it with that which Allaah The Almighty has not charged it with. All you have to do is to strive your utmost to raise your daughter according to the teachings of Islam, endear to her the rulings of Sharee‘ah as much as possible, exhort her to stick to it, and mention to her of its virtues and good merits what a girl in her age could understand; and the more she grows up, the more you should care for her and be keen to teach and discipline her.
Also, do your best to get to know some families which abide by the teachings of Islam in the country where you live, so that your daughter would find a good environment to help her understand Islam and its teachings.
Furthermore, you should strive to supplicate Allaah The Almighty to rectify her, and keep her far from evil. Indeed, the hearts are between two fingers of the fingers of Allaah The Almighty, and the guidance is only in His Hand.
Dear sister, if you do what you could of those things, then, you should have good opinion of your Lord The Almighty, and put in mind that He will rectify your daughter by His favor and bounty and keep her firm on His true religion. If you could prevent her from mixing with her father and your non-Muslim family, then, do so as much as you can. Similarly, if you could leave this country for one of the Muslim countries, you should hasten to do so.
Finally, we ask Allaah for guidance for you and your daughter, and we ask Him to keep you firm and successful in doing what pleases Him.
Allaah Knows best.
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