Wants to ask her husband to choose between her and his new wife
29-4-2007 | IslamWeb
Question:
my husband re-married another woman just to look after his mum, he did this without telling me, i fund out by chance, i want him to divorce her or me. am i haram to ask him to do so. he does not treat us equally and when i married him 8yrs ago, i asked him if he would ever remarry and he said no. he made a promise. i have 3 kids, she has none. he claims he thought i would look after his mum. he claims does not love her, how can he marry without love. she is just to look after his mum,he claims no love to her, he has only spent two wks with her, and not sen her in two years. i was not aware till after event, i know he has never seen her since wedding but in my eyes she is equal to me. all the money my husband has is half mine , i worked and support him now, how can she have even a share of this , it was built before her. can anyone advise if i am doing haram by asking him to choose.
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His slave and Messenger.
We have already issued Fatwa 85948 clarifying that a husband is not religiously obliged to inform his first wife of his will to marry a second wife. It is also not permissible for his first wife to ask him for a divorce or ask him to divorce the second wife simply because of him marrying a second wife, as this is not a sound reason to ask for divorce. On the other hand, if you conditioned on him when conducting the marriage contract not to marry a second wife and he accepted, then according to the preponderant opinion of the scholars 
he is obliged to fulfil this condition, and if he does not, you are allowed to ask him for divorce. For more, please refer to Fatwas 86514 and 84411.
However, if you conditioned him not to marry a second wife after the marriage contract was concluded, then he is not obliged to fulfil this condition.
Furthermore, the husband should be just between his wives in spending the night with them, providing for them and offering an accommodation for them. If he does not do so, the wife with whom he is not just is permitted to ask for divorce.
In any case, a wife should not hasten to ask for divorce even if she has the right to do so, as the benefit for her might be in staying with her husband, especially if she has children with him, as divorce usually has a bad effect on the children.
The following matters should be mentioned:
1. Love is not necessarily the reason for marriage, as there are many benefits in marriage which the spouses could achieve.
2. The money which the woman gives to her husband depends on her intention. If it is a gift, she is not permitted to take it back unless she aims at something by this gift, and this aim is not achieved. However, if she gives the money for any other purpose, then this depends on her intention.
3. The wife should help her husband in being kind and dutiful to his mother as this would strengthen the marital relationship between them.
Finally, for more, please refer to Fatwas 90132 and 86818.
Allaah Knows best.