Separated from her husband because he is frustrated by her continuous mistakes
15-2-2007 | IslamWeb
Question:
Asslam-u-Alaikum Me & my husband have been married for the past almost 4 months & we have known & loved each other for 6 months before that. We are not together anymore for the past 2 days, and its not just a little conflict that has separated us. After about 2-3 weeks of our marriage, we’ve continuously had conflicts around every 3-4 days. The problem is that no matter what I do, or how hard I try, I always commit small mistakes in the way I do things, despite my husband constantly reminding me about it, which frustrates my husband to a great deal. He’s an extremely loving & caring man, also very conscientious about my rights, but not able to control his temper, which particularly goes up coz of the way I do things. I feel like my sole purpose in life, besides love for Allah & our Prophet Muhammad (saw) is to fill his life with happiness & satisfaction, but I’m now going into severe depression because of always hurting him against my will. Its not that we’re continuously fighting, we regularly enjoy very good times with each other as well, when he assures me that he’s the happiest with me, but after any conflict, he’s extremely hurt & clearly states that his life couldn't be any worse. I don't know which part to believe & I don't want to hurt him anymore. Another problem between us is that we both have noticed that I have completely lost my intellect. I used to be quite smart before & this change is very prominent now, which annoys him even more. He wants me to reform, & can’t stay with me like the way I am right now, due to which I’ve suggested him to give me some time to do that on my own, since he has already tried his best. He has agreed to this and that’s why we’ve separated. He doesn't want me to come back unless I change, neither do I want to go back like this & hurt him more. Are we doing the right thing? If not then what is the right path to take? I also offer prayers regularly and am asking for mercy & guidance from Allah as much as I can.
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger. We ask Allaah to exalt his mention as well as that of his family and all his companions.
Both spouses should fear Allaah and each of them should perfectly fulfil the rights of the other to the best of his/her ability. Besides, each one should endeavour to undertake whatever helps the prevalence of tolerance and forgiveness between them and each one should overlook the other's mistakes and be patient when problems occur. For more benefit on the rights of spouses, please refer to Fatwa 85308, and for more benefit on patience among spouses, please refer to Fatwa 87208.
Indeed you did well by acknowledging that your husband is a very caring and loving person, that he very much fulfils your rights, and that you changed in a noticeable way and you did not remain as before, and that this change is what disturbs your husband much. All this means that the problem comes from you rather than from him. If you doubt that this change may be due to magic done to you and the like, then you may refer to Fatwa 83898 on how to seek Ruqyah.
Furthermore, you should know that it is a great sin for the wife to disobey her husband's order as long as his order is within what is permissible. the Prophet 
said: "When a man calls his wife to his bed (for intercourse) and she refuses and he spends the night upset with her, the angels keep on cursing her till the morning." [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
It should be noted that the husband and wife should not separate and leave their problem thinking it will solve itself, as this makes things worse. Therefore, you should take the initiative to return to your husband and you should refrain from things that he does not like.
To conclude, we ask Allaah to put affection and love between you in a way that your situation will be solved and things will get be back to normal.