Married a woman he does not like, to please his parents
14-2-2006 | IslamWeb
Question:
Last year around July I phoned my mother in Bangladesh and told her about this Pakistani sister that I know, who I think is very attractive, educated, who is most importantly practicing to be a better Muslim. My mum showed a bit of interest and told me to come to Bangladesh for a holiday. I went Bangladesh knowing that there might be a chance my parents will show me brides, I was prepared for that, I also promised Pakistani sister to wait for me. Me and Pakistani sister, was dating for 5 month, but we came into Islam more strongly together and stop dating and started being strict on our self. We prayed and were hoping we can get married. The thing is her parents accepted me, My parents put me through emotional trauma in terms of when they showed me the bride, and then asked me, I said No, but they were adamant and didn't take my No for an answer, and kind of went ahead with the whole thing, using that if I don't, the whole families chastity is on the line. After two - three days of useless tears, I thought it was happening and I thought if parents are happy Insha-Allaah, Allaah will be, so I just went with it. That broke Pakistani sister's heart and she started hating me, I went through the pain and tried my best to keep the bride happy 10 days I was with her, I didn't consummate the marriage at all. Because from the day I got married, that's when I truly knew how I felt for Pakistani sister. I came back to the UK, and now I am really unhappy, to know the trust I have for my parents, just back fired on me. I am scared I won't be able to be a good husband, I will take my parents anger on the wife, and my hatred will grow for parents. I basically want to know, even though I said Kabul 3 times, my full consent on the marriage wasn't there, my heart wasn't for the marriage, haven't consummated the marriage. I told my wife truth, she is willing to stick by me. I just want to know is my marriage valid? I also want to marry Pakistani sister. What should I do?
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger. We ask Allaah to exalt his mention as well as that of his family and all his companions.
First of all, it should be noted that you and that girl did well since you stopped meeting each other and started to be steadfast on the correct path. We ask Allaah to enable you more to do good. You have to know that there are some conditions that should be met for the marriage contract to be valid, the most important of which is the consent of the guardian and two witnesses. It also has two pillars, which are proposing and accepting [of the proposal]. If the marriage contract took place with these conditions and pillars, then it is a valid marriage and there is no consideration for claiming not to be content in one's heart. So if the marriage took place as mentioned then this woman became your wife. Therefore, we advise you to continue your marital life with her and not take into consideration any thoughts which may hinder you from this. It might be that Allaah will bless your marriage to her and make her a comfort to your eye and bless you with pious children, especially that you intended to please your parents by marrying her. Allaah Says (what means): {…perhaps you may dislike a thing and Allaah makes therein much good.}[Quran 4:19]. Furthermore, the Prophet 
said: "The pleasure of Allaah is attained by pleasing parents." [At-Tirmithi] It should be noted that you are not obliged to keep her as a wife, and divorcing her is not considered as being undutiful to your parents if one of you is harmed by this marriage, but we advise you to keep her and live with her honourably. Not all homes are built on love, as the saying goes. May Allaah take out from your heart the hatred you have towards her, as the hearts are in the hands of Allaah.
As regards the other girl, you may marry her after divorcing your present wife, or marry her as a second wife if you are able to be just between them, because being just between them is a condition for polygamy and you should fulfil their rights, Allaah Says (what means): {But if you fear that you will not be just, then [marry only] one….}[Quran 4:3]. If it is not possible to marry her, then you should not think about her; it might be that it is evil which was driven off you by you marrying the other girl, Allaah Says (what means): {… and it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allaah knows but you do not know.}[Quran 2:216].
Finally, it should be noted that residing in a non-Muslim country has many disadvantages on a Muslim's religion, so it is not permissible to reside there except for a necessity or a dire need, like for the purpose of treatment, calling to Allaah and the like. For more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 86405.
Allaah Knows best.