Unhappy with her husband and is unable to do household chores
25-1-2006 | IslamWeb
Question:
I have been married for almost five years now with 2 kids and I am expecting one next year. I am a depressed housewife; I have not been able to satisfy my husband in anyway ever since we got married. I have used my entire married life to seek ways of pleasing him that I have even lost my strength in making Ibaadat to my creature. I can't concentrate on my life anymore; I'm always afraid of seeing him angry with me. Sexually I've tried even when he knew I am not ok he demands for sex which I had to concede to or else I would not be making him happy even at my own risk of health. I am not happy with my marital life and I have little strength in doing household chores. He doesn't help me nor assist when I'm down. He is always complaining. He denies me of material things mostly based on the fact that I am useless and doesn't have a job 'so how would have I know the value of money'. Please what can I do? Should I continue by risking my life doing chores that I know health-wise I am not strong enough to do it or should I quit?
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger. We ask Allaah to exalt his mention as well as that of his family and all his companions.
If the situation with your husband is as you mentioned, then you should know that this is an affliction which should be met with patience. We have already clarified the excellence of being patient and its importance in Fatwa 88764, so please refer to it.
Nonetheless, returning to Allaah and being on His Obedience and performing His Obligations is the best thing which will help you overcome these difficulties. So you should avoid being negligent about your religious obligations and you should be keen on performing them, especially the prayers. The Prophet 
said: "The pact between us and them [non-Muslims] is the prayer, so whoever abandons it is a disbeliever." [Ahmad]
The jurists
differed in opinion in relation to a wife serving her husband. Anyway, this matter should not cause a misunderstanding between the spouses. So a wife should not refuse to serve her husband. Likewise the husband should not exaggerate in exhausting his wife for his own interest and neglect helping and understanding her. Spouses should treat each other honourably and help one another.
As regards when your husband calls you to bed, you should obey him unless you have a religious excuse, like being in menses, in postpartum bleeding, sick and the like. However, if you are harmed by that, your husband should not oblige you.
Therefore, we advise you to discuss this matter with your husband in a good and nice manner and seek the help of the pious and righteous people in necessary. If things improve, all perfect praise be to Allaah, but if the situation is still the same and you fear any harm, then you may ask for divorce because of the harm, and you have the right to take the matter to an Islamic court but you should not hasten to ask for divorce until you compare between the benefit of staying with him and the benefit of divorce.
Allaah Knows best.