Depressed because her husband watches pornography
2-10-2005 | IslamWeb
Question:
I am very much depressed at my husband surfing net for nudity, pornography, etc. He also masturbates and I just happened to get catch of him, he just behaved unknowingly. He has become addicted to nudity. I am not able to digest this thing. I am not able to tell him. But within me I am feeling very depressed and as if I am losing everything. Kindly tell me that should I ignore his behavior and keep crying within me? Should I talk to him regarding this? Tell me any Du'a for this. I used to watch pornography before marriage but I soon left it once I came to know that it is Haraam. And Al-hamdulillaah, I am still keeping up. I have committed this act to him. Will he question me back about my previous behavior? Please give me a solution to erase my depressions.
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger. We ask Allaah to exalt his mention as well as that of his family and all his companions.
There is no doubt that what your husband is doing, like looking to pornographic sites and masturbating, is forbidden. This is contrary to the Commandment of Allaah on lowering the gaze, and preserving one's chastity. Allaah Says (which means): {Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things) and protect their private parts. That is purer for them. Verily, Allaah is All-Aware of what they do).}[Quran 24:30]. Please refer to Fataawa: 89335 and 90046 on this regard.
Therefore, your husband is obliged to sincerely repent to Allaah and he should know that he will stand in front of Him in a Day that is equal to 50,000 years long, and only then he will know how obnoxious is his sin.
You are obliged to advise him and remind him of Allaah and His severe Punishment. You may make use of Islamic books and tapes which tackle this issue, and speak about the obligation of lowering the gaze and the prohibition of looking to what Allaah is not pleased with. You must also supplicate as much as possible using the supplication of the Prophet 
which he said to a man who came to seek his permission to commit adultery: "O Allaah forgive his sin, and purify his heart and preserve his private parts from committing illegal sexual intercourse." [Ahmad]
Moreover, you should try to make him love you, by being kind and dutiful to him and beautifying yourself to him. It might be that his resorting to forbidden things is due to you neglecting his right and not beautifying yourself to him and fulfilling his desires.
We ask Allaah to rectify the affairs of all the Muslims in the right way and accept the repentance of disobedient people.
As regards your sin of having looked to those sites and then repented from it, then if one repents Allaah accepts his repentance and forgives him. A person who repents fulfilling the conditions of repentance that are mentioned in Fatwa: 87903, Allaah will accept his repentance and forgive him. Allaah Says (which means): {And it is He who accepts repentance from His servants and pardons misdeeds.}[Quran 42:25]. Allaah further Says (which means): {Say, "O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning] do not despair of the mercy of Allaah. Indeed, Allaah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful."}[Quran 39:53].
Allaah Knows best.