Apprehension about the father's conduct in the family
25-5-2005 | IslamWeb
Question:
I come from a family that is attached to Islam and follow Islam very closely; my parents are both very well learned in Islam. My parents have been married for 25 years, they are both educated in religion and know it real well. The biggest problem that we face is that my dad is a very doubtful kind of a man, and he has recently been targeting my mom. Even when my mom talks to her 23 years-old nephew he gets uncomfortable and worries about it. He also is the kind of person who wants to keep things to himself, when he wants to travel he lets us know last minute, when it comes to him he does not get us involved in his daily endeavours. We need some practical advice, we are really worried for our parents.
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
First of all, we ask Allaah to reward you for being keen on establishing good marital relationship among your parents, and we ask Him to comfort your eyes with them.
It is worth mentioning here the following two facts before addressing your inquiry:
1) In principle one should not doubt a Muslim; rather, one should think good of him unless he proves otherwise. Allaah says (what means): {O you who have believed, avoid much [negative] assumption. Indeed, some assumption is sin.}[Quran 49:12]
2) There is praised jealousy and dispraised jealousy. The Prophet said: "There is jealousy that Allaah likes, and there is jealousy that Allaah dislikes. The jealousy that Allaah likes is the one based on evidence and the one that Allaah dislikes is the one without any evidence." [Abu Daawood]
So the jealousy that is founded on evidence is praised and the one that is based on doubt and suspicion is dispraised.
Based on the above facts, we say the following: If the jealousy of your father about your mother speaking with her nephew is based on evidence because of his bad behaviour, then you should not blame him for it. Rather, it is permissible for him to prevent her, in such a case, from talking to her nephew and she must obey your father in this. However, if this jealousy is only founded on doubt and is baseless, then he is not permitted to be jealous. Thus, he must be reminded of Allaah and advised to think good of his wife; if one advises him in a good and soft manner, it might be that he will take heed.
As regards being secretive in his affairs, this is something that is religiously desirable. The Prophet said: "You have to be secretive in order to fulfil your needs, as people envy every blessed person." So you should not give great importance to this, as he might see that the benefit is in keeping his matters secret. However, if you consider that there is a benefit if he consults you in relation to some matters; there is no harm in pointing this out to him without insistence.
Allaah Knows best.