She feels no need to marry
30-12-2004 | IslamWeb
Question:
I have a very serious problem.
I'm 26, a doctor, an only daughter; I have a younger brother and very loving parents Al-Hamdu Lillaah. My parents have been very supportive always Maashaa' Allaah, they really want the best for me and I can never think of hurting them. I don't want to disobey them both for their sake and because Allaah says so. I am also very sensitive and hate to turn down people; I do my best to please everyone around me specially the relatives.
My family wants me to get married now and all my relatives are doing everything they can to find me a suitable person keeping a lookout for people asking for recommended matches. But the problem is that I don't want to get married. I know it is best thing to do because Allaah says to do it and it is Sunnah and we should not leave it out unless we are incapable. It is also essential because my parents will be at ease only when I am settled. But what can I do, I just can't make myself "like" the idea of living with a man.
I've been trying to convince myself for about the last 6 years, reasoning with myself, telling myself that there is no way out, just do it because everyone is supposed to do it but its no use. I met with a couple of families which my family arranged but I hated everything about the meeting although they were great people and as I said I hate turning anybody down. Some of the most decent people at work asked me and I tried my best to accept but at last I had to refuse them because I just don't like to live with a man. I feel very frightened while refusing that maybe one day God will give me a desire and by that time there will be no one around so I asked my parents not to go about calling interested families home because it's no use, I'm simply not interested and I hate to push myself into accepting a lifelong relationship. If it ever came naturally ill let them know. But they think I'm acting immature, I don't know about these matters. I know it's difficult to survive without a husband in the society, specially Pakistanis to them marriage is everything. I can face the society but not Allaah's Wrath and after that to make my parent uncomfortable. But nobody understands me they keep telling me about the good looks/income etc., of the candidates and this disgust be above all because these things mean nothing when one doesn't want them.
I pray to Allaah for a control over myself and of being able to accept people but Allaah knows I don't mean it because I don't have the basic desire. Apart from that I'm very lucky and will be a thankful person if only my family drops the topic; I know the others won't because this is really a hot gossip.
Please don't ask me to soul search for the reason behind these feelings because I've been doing it for years and I can't find one. If it was possible to talk directly to Allaah I would, I've asked a special permission to remain single (and not to indulge in consequent sins), but since it is not possible, can you please tell me if Allaah will be angry with me because I don't want to marry anyone no matter how nice he is? I really can't induce a desire in my heart, and believe me to do so is very very painful, I've tried many times. I'm so desperate that a couple of days back, I happened to be in a road traffic accident and during the very crucial moments I was rather happy instead of being worried. I want to be thankful of this life forever, so please tell me it's not a sin to remain single if one is not comfortable with a man.
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger. We ask Allaah to exalt his mention as well as that of his family and all his companions.
The ruling about marriage differs according to the situation of the person. It can be obligatory, desirable or otherwise. The situations in which marriage is desirable is when the person is, for instance, unwilling to get married but is expected to have children, and getting married for him does not make him neglect an obligation. In this case it is desirable for him to get married because Allaah urges us to multiply our progeny. Therefore, if you do not fear to neglect a right that is an obligation on you if you get married, and you are unwilling to get married but are expected to have children if married, then marriage for you is desirable. So we advise you to get married if a qualified person whose religion you are pleased with and has good moral character proposes to you and you should give up these whispers and psychological complex which stand in your way of getting married, especially since your parents wish to marry you off. You have to know that marriage has uncountable benefits. In addition to multiplying the progeny and increasing the number of the Muslim nation, it helps protect the dignity and preserve the person's chastity, and is following the Sunnah of the Prophet 
as he got married, and it is he who said: "Whoever strays away from my Sunnah is not among my nation." [Al-Bukhari and Muslim] However, if you are sure that your unwillingness to get married is due to psychological matters, then you have to consult a trustworthy psychiatrist. Otherwise, if you are sure that your condition is due to magic, evil eye or being possessed by a Jinn, then you have to seek religious Ruqyah by having some chapters or verses from the Qur'an, and the designated Prophetic remembrances and supplications read on you. To conclude, not getting married for a person who does not fear to commit fornication is not a sin that makes a person deserve punishment, but it is more appropriate for him to get married.
Allaah knows best.