Disobedience against parents
20-10-2002 | IslamWeb
Question:
Please explain how we can reach rooting out disobedience against the parents through Islamic perception.
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
Educating children in accordance with the teachings of Islam constitutes the optimal means of rooting up disobedience against parents. In simple words, this great goal, i.e. education of the children, could be achieved by teaching them what they need of religious and worldly matters, by educating them according to Islamic standards of behavior and ethics and by forming their Islamic personality. This process, for sure, requires parents' good knowledge of means and methods of upright education as well as gradual advancement according to the child's age. If parents cannot achieve such a great task, they have to entrust it to an educator, who has good knowledge in religion, education and life, to educate them. If parents or educators can make the child have good Muslim character, then they will feel secure that their children will not be undutiful to them unless Allah wills something else.
Features of the character that Allah wants are clearly stated in Luqman's commandment to his son in Surah Luqman.
Allah Says (what means): (13) {And [mention O Muhammad ] when Luqman said to his son while he was instructing him, “O my son, do not associate [anything] with Allaah. Indeed, association [with Him] is great injustice.” 16. [And Luqman said], “O my son, indeed if it [i.e. a wrong] should be the weight of a mustard seed and should be within a rock or [anywhere] in the heavens or in the earth, Allah will bring it forth. Indeed, Allah is Subtle and Acquainted. 17. O my son, establish prayer, enjoin what is right, forbid what is wrong, and be patient over what befalls you. Indeed, [all] that is of the matters [requiring] determination. 18. And do not turn your cheek [in contempt] toward people and do not walk through the earth exultantly. Indeed, Allah does not like everyone self-deluded and boastful. 19. And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys.} [Quran 31: 13, 16, 17, 18, 19]
These verses present the character of Muslim who is trustworthy, safe, simple and close to people. Here are the features of the Muslim personality in details:
1) A Muslim is a monotheist, one who believes in the single Lordship and Divinity of Allah, His Great Might, His All-Inclusive Knowledge. He Knows each and every good/bad deed, whether small, secret, etc., even if it is like a seed of mustard, wherever it is in the sky or earth.
2) The Muslim is righteous in himself and he wants others to be so. {O my son, establish prayer, enjoin what is right, forbid what is wrong, and be patient over what befalls you.} [Quran 31: 17]
He takes patience for the sake of his religion and creed.
3) The Muslim is modest and simple; he is far from any form of arrogance.
{And do not turn your cheek [in contempt] toward people and do not walk through the earth exultantly.} [Quran 31:18]
His parents and relatives are the nearest people who deserve his good and polite treatment.
Thus, if, by Allah's Favor, we can give the above-stated form/shape to our children, they become Islamic in character. In simple words, they will not be ungrateful to parents.
Allah knows best.