Wants to seek wife on the Internet

25-5-2002 | IslamWeb

Question:

I am a 35-year-old divorced Muslim. I live alone in the United States. I found a sister on the Net, who is an American convert to Islam. She has no family and she lives alone. I am interested in marrying her and I have a strong intention to do that. My question is I would like to continue talking with her on the phone to know what she thinks about as my previous wife lied to me and did not tell me that she was sick mentally. I want to talk with this sister to understand how she thinks and also to know if we can bond together before marriage so our marriage can be successful one. I am truly so scared of getting divorced again and I am trying to use caution in getting married again as I suffered a lot after getting divorced. By the way, I tried very hard to ask the Masjid here if they know someone who wants to get married. But, after knowing that they do not have anyone, I had to use the Internet to find a sister to get married. When you are alone and have no family, it is very hard to get married in the most proper Islamic way. I hope you will understand my situation. I found that the Muslim Ummah could not help me at all to get married and protect myself from committing sins (looking and so on). In the meantime, I am terrified of Allah (SWT) that I am doing something that will make him not to be pleased with me. I am in a great battle; please help me. One of the reasons for the situation I am in is the horrible shape of the Muslim Ummah which led me to leave my country for the USA and the Muslim community which does not care about us at all.

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Answer:

Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the World; and may His blessings and peace be upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon all his Family and Companions.

If a man intends to propose a woman, or he has already proposed to her for marriage and yet the marriage contract is not completed, then they are (the proposed ones) totally alien for each other, whether they are relatives or not. He can look at her only in the presence of her Maharam if there is any necessity for doing so.
Staying alone with a marriageable person is forbidden. So, you may know about her by talking with the guardian of the woman, like her father or brother, etc. It is also very possible to know about her in detail by sending your female relatives or a friend's wife to check her manners, behavior, etc., in order to avoid any possible future problems.
If one needs to talk or write something to his fiancé, one should avoid being attractive in speech or using inappropriate expressions. The talk should be general and within limits.
We would like to emphasize the fact again that she is alien as long as the marriage contract is not established; so, it is better to avoid talking to each other.
Know that talking through Internet or by phone is permissible only if there is no chance of temptation; otherwise it is forbidden in order to block the door to temptation. By nature fiancés are inclined to fiancées and vice versa.
Allah knows best.