Parents Refuse to Accept Marriage Plans of Their Son
16-3-2002 | IslamWeb
Question:
I'm an Indian Muslim girl and wish to marry a Pakistani Muslim boy (N). We are both in love and have known each other for 2 years. We are studying in the same college. We decided to tell his mother about us but when she found out I'm not a Pathan (pusho-speaking) like them, she refused our marriage. A few months later his parents told him that they found another girl for him even though his Mom knew that he wanted to marry me. It has been about 6 months and he keeps refusing to marry the other girl. His father now knows about us but is still forcing N to marry his chosen girl. His dad has even thrown him out of the house 3 times saying that N is not his son. I'm am very depressed about this. Recently, I was having my menses, but I was talking to Allah and I asked him if I should marry N for 2 years of our remaining college years during which time I'll be with N and pray to Allah to help N's parents' hearts to open up and to give me the answer in my dream. That night I dreamt I was married to N, we were happy and we had a son (about 3-4 years old). I felt in my dream that we both were happy together. I know this is not Ishtikhaara, but I somehow feel maybe Allah told me to go ahead with my decision. Also, I know that the reasons his parents have rejected me are unjust. Please tell me what I should do? I'm extremely depressed without N.
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
Answering your question is briefed in the following five points:
1) Relations that you have with a non-Mahram man are forbidden, since they constitute a motive to commit Zina (fornication or adultery). May Allah save us!
Now, it is your duty to break off relations with this man and to avoid talking or being alone with him till Allah, The Great and Almighty, makes your marriage easy.
2) For this man's parents to prevent his marriage to you only because you are from another tribe or you do not speak his language constitutes a mistake. It is their (parent's) duty to make a retraction. They should not force their son to marry a girl he does not like. In addition, it is also a blunder to drive him from their house or to wash their hands of him. We ask Allah, The Great and Almighty, to show them the truth and to relieve them sooner not later.
3) His parents' mistake does not justify being undutiful to them nor gives authority to prefer his desires to theirs, because it is mandatory that he obeys his parents' while marrying you is not a requirement nor desirable. So, he has to continue being grateful to his parents, treating them kindly and doing his best to convince them to marry you, but gently and with wisdom. Then, by patience and being nice to them, Allah, may make them consent.
4) You did well to pray to Allah to comfort his parents and to make them consent and approve your marriage. So, you (two) are advised to supplicate frequently to Allah, The Great and Almighty, to make your dream a fact. We, in turn, ask Allah, The Great and Almighty, to bring your wish and effort into effect and to make your vision a good omen, not just talking with oneself.
5) You have to believe in the Predestination and Decree and that what Allah decrees will happen and what He does not decree to happen will not take place. Remember that which has befallen you was not going to pass you by and that which has passed you by was not going to befall you. You have also to know that what Allah has decreed (to be or not) concerning marriage to this man is the safest way now and in the future.
So, you have to turn to Allah for help sincerely and honestly and then avoid what brings His Anger and Dissatisfaction.
Allah knows best.