Husband neglecting family needs

10-7-2001 | IslamWeb

Question:

My husband has moved our family of three to his native country for fear of our children's upbringing in the U.S. I fully understand his reasoning and have tried to support him as much as I can. We have been living in his native Arabic country (I am a American revert-Alhamdulillah) for the past two years. It has been extremely difficult for me to live in Syria he is different in our relationship and must return to the U.S. for his income. I have not noticed any difference in the betterment of morals in the society between there and here, other than our children learning Arabic and Qur'an. This has been accomplished and I feel two years is enough.I can't tolerate living in an oppressive country and my husband leaving me and my children anymore. I've asked him to return the family to the U.S. and continue in a community where our children can continue their Islamic learning. He's refused and said if I want to stay in the U.S. with the children he will divorce me and return to his native country. Where are my rights and his? I have no brother or father or any Muslim relatives to help me in any way. Please guide me as I am afraid to return to the Arabic country and afraid to be homeless in U.S. May Allah forgive me.

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Answer:

Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds; and blessings and peace be upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon all his Family and Companions.
We ask steadfastness for you from Allah and seek His Help to make following Islam easy for you. May Allah cover you with His Blessings and drive your worries away.
Believe us, Dear Sister that we are full of sorrow and our hearts are filled with grief after reading your case. We feel deep concern for your hardship and for the troubles you are facing. We wish we could help you but Allah knows best that we could not do for you except to offer some good words and guidance. The most important thing, which we remind you that this life is very limited and this world is perishable. You also keep in your mind that this life is full of trials. The real and eternal life is the Hereafter life. If a person lives all his life in trials and grieves but when he meets his Lord while He is pleased with him, an immersion of the Paradise will make him forget all previous grieves as mentioned in Hadith. "And then that person from amongst the persons of the world be
brought who had led the most miserable life (in the world) from amongst the inmates of Paradise and he would be made to dip once in Paradise and it would be said to him: O, son of Adam, did you face any hardship? Or had any distress fallen to your lot? And he would say: By Allah, no, O my Lord, never did I face any hardship or experience any distress".
So, Dear Sister, try your best to obey your Lord and the only concern which should awake you is to get into Paradise. Keep in your mind that Allah observes you and all your actions He knows the fraud of the eyes, and all that breasts conceal.
Know that you are in His Sight all the time; He is a good Protector and
Keeper even if your husband is away from you. You should be happy for your children's steadfastness. No doubt, learning Arabic language,
memorizing the Qur'an helps them adhere to Islam and be good with
you. This also will bring success to you in this life and in Hereafter. We
declare here that your husband is mistaken since he absents himself from you and his children. He should try his best to be with his wife and children as long as possible. He should not stay apart from them for a long time. What is the benefit of wealth if he loses his wife and children? Wealth means nothing to somebody who misses his family.
He is also obliged to spend his money to teach his wife her religion or the language, which is compulsory for her to deal with people. We advise you not to despair, and try to learn through mosques or Islamic organizations that provide free education. We also advise you to befriend religious Muslim ladies. In fact, they will be very helpful for your learning the religion as well as Arabic language. These efforts will also protect you from many devilish insinuations.
You should also be very careful in dealing with men (secretary, workers,
etc.) and deal with them very wisely and seriously thus they will not dare move towards you with desire.
Furthermore, explain your problems clearly to your husband. Convince him of the dangers surrounding you and your children. Tell him that it is your right as a wife upon him not to leave you. He is also responsible for his children. They need his care and affection. How can he deprive them of their legal and natural right? Above all, we advise you to be patient; keep away from all prohibitions and guard your chastity. Allah will reward you and increase your grades.
We ask Allah to help you and protect you from all troubles.
Allah knows best.