Etiquette of having sex

9-10-2001 | IslamWeb

Question:

What did the prophet Mohammad say about sex and foreplay, and what did he encourage?

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Answer:

All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.

 

The sexual instinct is one of the most important instincts that man is naturally predisposed to satisfy. It is almost impossible to prevent a healthy person from satisfying this instinct. It is not astonishing, then, that the Sharee'ah has given a great importance to this matter and has set sufficient rules to channel this instinct and adjust it for the best of humanity. This is evident in several fields. Here are some of them:

The Sharee'ah orders people to lower their gaze from looking at forbidden things, to keep their private parts from illegal sexual acts and get married if they can. They should fast and be patient if they can't get married. This is because of the danger of this instinct and the importance of satisfying it through legal ways. Allah Says (what means): {Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things) and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts etc.). That is purer for them. Verily Allah is All-Aware of what they do. And tell the believing women to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things) and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts).} [Quran 24: 29-30].

Moreover, Abdullah Ibn Mas’ood  narrated that the Prophet Muhammad said: "O, young people! Whoever can marry should marry, as it helps to lower one’s gaze, and protects one’s private parts, and whoever is not able to marry should fast, as this helps him to protect his private parts (from committing illegal sexual intercourse)."  [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

The ability to marry means being able to perform the sexual act itself and having the finances that are required for marriage. The Prophet said to ‘Ali : “O ‘Ali! Do not follow a glance (at a forbidden thing) by another glance as the first glance is yours but the second one is not”. [At-Tirmithi and Abu Daawood]

Islam orders us to cover the ‘Awrah (for men from the navel to the knee; for women the whole body) because uncovering the ‘Awrah leads to the spread of depravity and corruption. It makes the heart be attracted to what is forbidden. It leads one to be driven by his instincts and not by the moderation required by Islam. Allah Says (what means): {And those who guard their chastity (i.e. private parts from illegal sexual acts)}. [Quran 70:29].

At-Tirmithi , Abu Dawood  and Ibn Maajah reported that the Prophet said to Mo'aawiyah Ibn Haydah  : “Conceal your private parts except from your wife and the women slave and captive) whom your right hand possesses).”

3 -The Sharee'ah makes it clear that the purpose of marriage is not only satisfying the sexual pleasure but also seeking the reward from Allaah, seeking to have children, to build a good family and to settle down physically and emotionally. Allah Says (what means): {And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect.} [Quran 30:21]

Besides, the Prophet said: “And in man's sexual intercourse (with his wife) there is Sadaqah (alms). They (the Companions) said: "O Messenger of Allah, is there reward for him who satisfies his sexual passion amongst us? He said: Tell me if he were to devote it to something forbidden, would it not be a sin on his part? Similarly, if he were to devote it to something lawful, he should have a reward". [Muslim] Moreover, the Prophet said: "Marry the friendly and prolific women, as I will outnumber the nations by you [by your abundant number (on the Day of Judgment).” [An-Nasaa’i and Abu Daawood]

The Prophet urged men to be friendly towards their wives and to live with them honorably, as he said: “The most perfect Muslim in the matter of faith is the one who has an excellent behavior.” [At-Tirmithi and Ahmad] He also said to Jaabir when he married a widow (divorced woman): “It is better to marry a virgin who plays with you and you play with her”. [Al-Bukhari and Muslim].

5 -The Prophet told us about his love for his wives and stated that getting pleasure from them in accordance with the Divine Order is one of the greatest bounties of the present life.

He said: “Three things are rendered beloved to me in the present life: women, perfume and the comfort of my eyes lies in performing the prayer ”. [Ahmad and An-Nasaa’i]

Another Hadeeth reads: “The whole world is a provision, and the best provision of this world is a pious woman”. [Muslim]

6 -Etiquette of sexual intercourse: Here are some Quranic texts and Prophetic Hadeeths on this matter.

Wearing perfume: In a sound Hadeeth, ‘Aa’ishah  said: “I used to perfume Allah's Messenger (), then he had sexual intercourse with his wives”. [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
What to say while having sex:

Ibn Abbaas  narrated that Allaah's Messenger () said: “If anyone amongst you intends to go to his wife he should say: “In the name of Allaah, O Allaah protect us against Satan and keep Satan away from the one that you have bestowed upon us, and if He has decreed a child for them, Satan will never be able to do any harm to him/her.” [Muslim]

Permissible ways of having sex:

Having sex with one's wife through the vagina is the one and only permitted way whether it is from back or front. Jaabir  said that the Jews used to say: “When a man has intercourse with his wife through the vagina but being on her back, the child will have squint, so the verse came down: "Your wives are your tilth; go then unto your tilth as you may desire.” [ Muslim].

Prohibition of having sexual intercourse with the wife while she is in her monthly menses. Abu Hurayrah  narrated that Allah's Messenger () said: “Whoever has intercourse with a menstruating woman, or with a woman in her anus, or goes to a fortune-teller, has disbelieved in what has been revealed to Muhammad”.[At-Tirmithi and Abu Daawood].

Prohibition of having sex with the woman in her anus. Abu Hurayrah narrated that the Prophet said: ''He is cursed, the one who has intercourse with his wife in her anus." It is forbidden to divulge the secret of intimate relations between the two spouses. Abu Sa'eed Al-Khudri said: "The most wicked among the people in the eyes of Allah on the Day of Judgment is the man who goes unto his wife and she comes unto him, and then he divulges her secret". [Muslim].
Ghusl (Ritual bath -after having sex-) is a must. Abu Hurayrah narrated that the Prophet said: "When any one amongst you sits between the four parts of her (his wife’s) body and exerts himself (has intercourse), Ghusl becomes obligatory (for both)". [Ahmad and Muslim].
Covering oneself while having sex:

The Prophet said: ''If anyone of you has sexual intercourse with his wife, let him cover himself, and not be naked the way the donkeys do".

The Scholars of Hadeeth believe that this Hadeeth is weak, so one is not obliged to abide by it, but it is better to cover oneself while doing so.

This is some of what was revealed about sex.

Allah knows best.