The Ruling on Money Given by the Proposer to the In-Laws of the Woman he Wants to Marry

31-7-2022 | IslamWeb

Question:

What is the ruling on money/other material value e.g. clothes, given by the proposor (man) to parents and close-relatives of the woman he wants to marry?Can her parents and close-relatives demand for such things? Is this a right they must be given? Can they make it a condition on the marriage? Or is it haraam to give or take such things? Please answer in detail quoting from the Quran and Sunnah as much as you can, may Allah reward you with good. (Please remember to post my question and its answer in Arabic and English in the website as quickly as possible so that we benefit other brothers who are connected to the website)

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Answer:

All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.

If the husband gives some money and the like to the family of his wife [his in-laws], then this is a gift, which is a good thing that strengthens the marital relationship and increases affection. This is something required among the in-laws.

Abu Hurayrah narrated that the Prophet said: “Exchange gifts, you will love each other.” [Al-Bukhaari]

It is not forbidden for the husband to gift the in-laws, and it is not forbidden for them to take it in this case.

But this is not an obligatory right on him, as in principle it is not permissible to take people’s money without their own proper consent.

Asmaa’ narrated that the Prophet said: “The money of a Muslim is not lawful (for anyone else to take it from him) unless he gives it with his own proper consent.” [Ahmad]

The scholars of Fiqh differed in opinion concerning the ruling on the guardian conditioning upon the husband to give him something or give him part of his daughter's dowry. The Hanafi and Shaafi'i Schools are of the view that it is a void condition and the woman deserves a dowry of the women who are at the same social status like her.

Al-Bahr ar-Raa-iq, authored by Ibn Najeem from the Hanafi School of jurisprudence, reads when speaking about what necessitates giving a dowry of the women who are at the same social status like her:

“Among which is what is mentioned in ath-Thaheeriyyah, that if the husband marries her, he gives 1,000 dirhams to her father, then she deserves a dowry of the women who are at the same social status like her, whether or not he gave her father 1,000 dirhams. If he had gifted him, he is entitled to ask the father to give it back to him.” [End of quote]

An-Nawawi from the Shaafi'i School of jurisprudence, said:

“Ash- Shaafi'i said: “If the marriage contact was concluded with 1,000 [i.e. as a dowry], and that her father gets another 1,000, then the dowry is void.” To conclude, if he marries a woman with 1,000 as a dowry, provided that he gives her father or her uncle another thousand, then the marriage contract is valid, but the dowry is void, and in this case, she deserves a dowry of the women who are at the same social status like her.” [End of quote]

The Maaliki School of jurisprudence hold the view that the entire amount is for the woman.
Al-Baaji (from the Maaliki School of jurisprudence) said:

“His (i.e. Maalik’s) saying: “that anything that the one who marries off the woman, whether a father or others, conditions, such as a donation or gift, is for the wife, if she wants it” requires that what is conditioned in the marriage contract, such as a gift, that the guardian conditions for himself or for others, then all this is for the wife. It is a contract of compensation, so it is necessary that its entire compensation is for the one who compensates him on his part, such as selling and hiring.” [End of quote]

The Hanbali School hold the view that the condition is binding and the dowry is valid.

Al-Bahooti (from the Hanbali School of jurisprudence) said in al-Muntaqa: "The father of a free woman is entitled to stipulate something of her dowry for himself. Rather, it is valid even if he conditions the entire dowry for himself, because Shu’ayb married off his daughter to Moosa (Moses) on the condition to shepherd his sheep, and this is a condition for himself, and that the father may take from the money of his child as the Prophet said: “You and your wealth are for your father.” The Prophet also said: “The best of your provision is what you earn, and your children are part of what you earn." [Abu Daawood and at-Tirmithi] So if he conditions something from the dowry of his daughter, then it (the dowry) is valid.” [End of quote]

The view we adopt here in Islamweb is the view of the Hanbali School. But it is better that the guardians do not condition this in order to be on the safe side, especially that it may be a reason for increasing the costs of the marriage; so it constitutes an obstacle for the youth; consequently, they do not propose for marriage and thereby women would remain as spinsters.

Allah knows best.