Etiquette between Husband and Wife
1-6-2022 | IslamWeb
Question:
My husband keeps on mentioning the hadith about Hoor Alyn cursing wife.He says whenever I do anything he does not like I get cursed.I do my best to make him happy but I have really phobia because of this, as I always have to keep on thinking I have to get everything done perfect or else I get cursed. The thing is no one can always be perfect, everyone may lose their temper one day, no one can always get dinner on time etc. Does that mean all married women get cursed? He always mentions hadiths about punishments of wife for not doing excatly everything he says. He always uses them to abuse me, beat me etc. because Islam always takes his side, and never mentions anything hadith of men getting cursed or being punishedfor being abusing or not being perfect I have real phobia of my husband
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds, and peace and blessing be upon the Messenger of Allah, his family, and all his companions.
If your husband treats you like what you said, then he is abusive to your relationship and acts against the command of Allah the Almighty to him to treat you well, as He said: {And live with them in kindness} [Quran 4:19]. And the hadith you referred to was narrated by Iman Ahmad, Al-Tirmidhi, and Ibn Majah that the Prophet, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “Whenever a woman harms her husband in this world, his wife from the Houris of Paradise says: 'Do not harm him! May Allah destroy you! He is but a passing guest with you, and he will soon leave you to join us.” It is an authentic hadeeth, but it is related to the woman who abuses her husband, not because just a dispute happened between her and her husband, or because she failed to do some duties.
Moreover, the husband does not have the right to take such a hadith as a sword that he uses against his wife and threatens her. This is also against living in kindness. Assuming that his wife abused him, how could he be certain that the angels cursed his wife? Perhaps there is something preventing her from being cursed, and this is something related to the world of the Unseen that he must not interfere with.
As for cursing the husband, as far as we know, there is no particular evidence of cursing the husband if he abuses his wife, but it does not mean that it is permissible for the husband to harm or abuse his wife. If he does so, then he is unjust to her. Allah the Almighty Says (what means): {But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them. Indeed, Allah is ever Exalted and Grand.} :[Quran: 4:34], Al-Qurtubi said in Al-Jami’ Li Ahkam Al-Quran: If you think that you have power over them, then remember the power of Allah over all things, so no one is supposed to oppress his wife, for Allah watches him. Also, the Sharee’ah has warned against the oppression of women in general and the neglect of their rights, with many warnings from persisting in that.
Eventually, we advise you to take it easy, try to establish a cordial dialogue between you and your husband, and advice each other in a kind manner. You can seek the assistance of the people who are close to him in case there is need for that.
Allah knows best. Al-Mustadrak of Saheeh Al-Bukhari and Muslim on the authority of Abu Hurayrah 
reads that the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, used to say while he was standing on the pulpit: “I declare strictly inviolable the rights of the two weak ones: the orphan and the woman." This is an authentic hadith according to the condition of Imam Muslim, but they (Al-Bukhari and Muslim) did not report it.
Imam An-Nawawi said it means not to waste their right. And beware of that as it is a clear warning.
Allah knows best.