All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.
You are overcome by severe whispers that have gained control of you, so you have to repel them and strive to get rid of them.
What you mentioned is not something forbidden for which you would be sinful, let alone it being Shirk – we seek refuge in Allah from that.
For more benefit on whispers, please refer to Fataawa 374308 and 356689.
Allah Knows best.