Her husband fornicates, lies and denies her right to childbirth
22-7-2015 | IslamWeb
Question:
Assalamu Alaikum , I'm the second wife of my husband.His first wife left him and went to her parents house with 3 kids .His parents sent proposal to my parents through a marriage bureau. Just after 2nd day of my marriage I have seen so many miss calls on his mobile, after 20 days I received her call at 2 am when my husband was sleeping..she said I'm missing you terribly etc etc..My husband lives in middle east. I also came here . Then within one year I got his 1st wife letters in which she wrote about his affairs, torcher to her parents...Then I found out that he is still in a relationship with the same girl. I thought he lied to me , he has 2 wives but told me one , I'm not the second , infact 3rd wife .I was 6 months pregnant at that time . I didn't tell anything to my parents or to his parents. I asked him about it but he denied the affair or relationship...I huge agony I delivered the baby. Then I told him why did you do this to me ,told about the 1st wife letters also. I thought he will accept , repent and apolagize for it., but instead of that he became very cruel to me , my little daughter . He developed zine relationship very openly.When I warned about its punishment in dunya n hereafter , he told me I'm providing you lavish lifestyle, just stay and enjoy, don't interrupt in my matters..His parents also said the same thing as he is the rich son in family using his cars , bungalow etc . This has been 7 years , after 1st child he didn't let me get pregnant again as he said already I have 4 kids , insults me infront of everyone , making me isolate , threatens me this is your last decade , think about it as he thinks after 40 women has nothing..He is a habitual fornicator, lie a lot. In this situation what should I do according to islam.This was also my 2nd marriage ,I took khula before on sharie basis...I don't have brothers , parents are old and pentioner, Until now I took this as test and trials from Allah..Kindly advise practically...
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His slave and Messenger.
We ask Allaah to relieve your distress and reconcile between you and your husband.
What you mentioned about your husband having sinful affairs with other women is no doubt a great evil and a cause of trouble and evil. You did well by advising him and warning him of Allaah's punishment. You should not lose hope as long as you have hope that advice and supplication will be of benefit to him. Allaah never disappoints anyone who puts hope in Him. Allaah says (what means): {And your Lord says, "Call upon Me; I will respond to you." Indeed, those who disdain My worship will enter Hell [rendered] contemptible.} [Quran 40:60]
Also, it is reprehensible for him to mistreat and humiliate you, although he is required to be kind to you in Islam. Allaah says (what means): {And live with them in kindness.} [Quran 4:19]
On the other hand, he has no right to prevent you from having children without a legitimate excuse. Having children is a right shared by both spouses. The fact that he has children from another wife does not justify denying you pregnancy. Besides, just because a woman is forty or older does not mean that she does not need to enjoy life. This is also not a sound reason for her husband to deny any of her rights.
Therefore, our advice to you is to continue giving him advice in light of what we have mentioned, and you should seek the help of righteous people if necessary. If he insists on fornicating and on evil conduct, or he continues to deny you a child, then you have the right to ask for divorce in order to ward off harm from yourself. However, you should not rush to ask for divorce before considering what is more advantageous to you. Divorce is not always the most advantageous solution, especially as you have a daughter with him. Divorce could have a negative impact on her upbringing. For benefit on the valid reasons for seeking divorce, please refer to Fatwa 131953.
Finally, we should point out that polygyny is permissible for anyone who is able to be just with his wives, and there are many religious and worldly benefits to it. If a husband is just with his wives, this is what is desired. Otherwise, the wife has the right to demand her rights. Please refer to Fatwa 90132 and 86818.
Allaah Knows best.