The cure for depression and loneliness

18-2-2014 | IslamWeb

Question:

Sallam alaykom, I was far from Islam for a long time, but hamdolilah about 4 years ago I returned strongly and have been increasing my faith ever since. Though I loved my friends very much, they were the type that would lead me away from Allah and so I made the hardest decision in my life and left them all. It was a sacrifice for Allah and I was willing to take it. As a single man, I feared from falling into zina, and there was so much fitna around me, so I have been fasting on regular basis and seeing the weak state I was in, I made another hard decision and made hijra for Allah and left the UK to live in a muslim country. However I have been feeling extremely lonely and depressed. I thought increasing my faith and getting closer to Allah would rid me of those feelings. To make matters worse, I live alone in a very small studio flat, I have no family, no friends. I have a huge loan to pay that has riba, which I took for university before I started becoming religious, and I want to leave this huge sin. I also have been trying to get married, but have been unfortunate and honestly it’s proving to be an impossible dream. I am not financially able to get married and won’t be anytime soon. especially with the loan I have to pay first. My greatest fear is that Allah has abandoned me. I feel that if Allah has said that if he loved someone He’d make the angels and the people love that person too. doesn’t the fact that I have been alone for very long time mean that he doesn’t love me? If Allah has promised that whoever leaves something for Him, He will replace that person with something better. why is my situation only getting worse? Doesn’t that mean that Allah has pulled his blessings from my life? Even the prophet (saw) was never alone, he felt very lonely at times, especially after his uncle and wife passed away. however, he always had companions around him and even during hijra he had his best friend abo bakir. I would appreciate any guidance.

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Answer:

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His S lave and Messenger.

First of all, we ask Allaah to grant you mercy and guidance from Himself, and not to let your heart deviate after He has guided you to faith.

As regards your question, the answer is that you should look for righteous companionship that will help you to perform acts of obedience and keep company with you so that you will not feel lonely. Allaah says to His Prophet (what means): {And keep yourself patient [by being] with those who call upon their Lord in the morning and the evening, seeking His countenance. And let not your eyes pass beyond them, desiring adornments of the worldly life, and do not obey one whose heart We have made heedless of Our remembrance and who follows his desire and whose affair is ever [in] neglect.}[Quran 18:28]

We advise you to read the biography of the Prophets and their stories wherein you will find comfort. If the Prophet Muhammad always had his Companions with him, there are some Prophets who were deserted by the closest people to them, like the Prophet Ayyoob (Job) ; Allaah says (what means): {And [mention] Job, when he called to his Lord, “Indeed, adversity has touched me, and You are the most merciful of the merciful.” So We responded to him and removed what afflicted him of adversity. And We gave him [back] his family and the like thereof with them as mercy from Us and a reminder for the worshippers [of Allaah].}[Quran 21:83-84]

Besides, you should know that it is Allaah's way to try and test people in this worldly life, and some people succeed in these tests and others fail. Allaah says (what means): {Do the people think that they will be left to say, We believe and they will not be tried? But We have certainly tried those before them, and Allaah will surely make evident those who are truthful, and He will surely make evident the liars.}[Quran 29:2-3]

The trials may be with something good or with something bad. Allaah says (what means): {And We test you with evil and with good as trial.}[Quran 21:35] So try to be among those who succeed in this test, and we ask Allaah to make you steadfast in the truth. You should be comforted by the guidance which Allaah granted you as you are following the truth – Allaah willing.

Dear brother, the depression and loneliness that you experience will be removed by remembering Allaah reflecting on the blessings that Allaah has bestowed on you, both outwardly and inwardly. When a person remembers the blessings of Allaah upon him, he will find out that his afflictions are nothing compared to the blessings. Many people become irritated and discomforted from poverty and sickness and forget that they are submerged in the blessings of Allaah. They enjoy the blessing of life; the blessing of sight - and would otherwise have been blind and led by people unable to find their way in the streets; the blessing of hearing - and would otherwise have been deaf not knowing what people talking next to them say; the blessing of reason, as one could have been insane and thus detested even by the closest people to him and made fun of by children; the blessing of the tongue - as he could have been dumb not being able to express himself; and the blessings of air, water, food, a house and so on; and before everything, the blessing of being guided to Islam. Allaah says (what means): {Do you not see that Allaah has made subject to you whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth and amply bestowed upon you His favors, [both] apparent and unapparent?}[Quran 31:20]

Hence, if you remember all these blessings, everything will be easy for you and you will consider the afflictions that have befallen you to be easy, and you will not feel lonely with the remembrance of Allaah.

The cause of depression is mostly due to the weakness of faith in the Foreordainment and Decree of Allaah. If a person’s belief in them is strong, he will not feel despair or frustration, because how come a believer is depressed while he reads the verse in which Allaah says (what means): {Allaah will bring about, after hardship, ease [i.e. relief].}[Quran 65:7] Allaah also says (what means): {For indeed, with hardship [will be] ease. Indeed, with hardship [will be] ease.}[Quran 94:5-6] The word hardship is placed between two eases; so one hardship will not overcome two eases.

Our advice to you is to ask for forgiveness as much as possible, as the Prophet said: "Whoever persists in asking for forgiveness, Allaah will grant him relief from every worry, and a way out from every hardship, and will grant him provision from (sources) he could never imagine.” [Abu Daawood and Ibn Maajah]

Also, you can supplicate with the supplication mentioned in the Hadeeth narrated by Abu Sa'eed Al-Khudri who said: “The Prophet entered the Masjid one day and found a man from the Ansaar called Abu Umaamah. The Prophet said to him: “Abu Umaamah, what’s the matter with you? Why are you sitting in the Masjid at a time other than the time of prayer?” Abu Umaamah replied: “It is worries and debts that made me sit here.” The Prophet said to him: "Shall I not teach you some words if you say them Allaah will take away the worries from you and help you repay your debts." Abu Umaamah said: “Please do, O Prophet of Allaah.” The Prophet said: "Say when you get up in the morning and when you go to sleep, 'O Allaah, I take refuge in You from worry and grief, and I take refuge in You from weakness and laziness, and I take refuge in You from  cowardice and miserliness, and I take refuge in You from the burden of debts and from being overpowered by men." Abu Umaamah said: 'I did so (said the supplication) and Allaah took my worries away and helped me repay my debts.” [Abu Daawood]

On the other hand, the sign which shows that Allaah loves a person, and that He is pleased with him, is when Allaah allows him to be obedient to Him and guides him to the way of righteousness. Indeed, all of the affairs of a believer are good for him. Suhayb narrated that the Prophet said: "Wonderful indeed is the affair of a believer, there is good in all his affairs, and this is only for the believer. If something good happens to him and he is grateful, then this is good for him, and if a calamity befalls him and he is patient, then this is also good for him.” [Muslim] Hence, we advise you to be patient, as the outcome of patience is goodness in this life and in Hereafter.

A believer may want the difficulty and hardship to quickly vanish but he should not doubt the promise of Allaah even if it is delayed. In his interpretation the Most High's saying (what means): {Or do you think that you will enter Paradise while such [trial] has not yet come to you as came to those who passed on before you? They were touched by poverty and hardship and were shaken until [even their] messenger and those who believed with him said, "When is the help of Allaah ?" Unquestionably, the help of Allaah is near.}[Quran 2:214], Al-Aloosi said: "They were severely disturbed with all types of misfortunes until the Messenger and those who believed with him said ... in other words, they were overcome by afflictions to an extent that the Messenger, who was the most knowledgeable person of what is befitting of Allaah and what Allaah's wisdom requires, and the believers, who follow his steps and who were guided by his guidance and light, were compelled to say "When will the Help of Allaah come?" hoping that this help would come sooner as they thought that the period of hardship was too long, and not because of doubt."  [Rooh Al-Ma'aani]

We have previously clarified the wisdom behind affliction and the virtue of patience in Fatwa 83577.

Poverty should not be a reason for turning away from marriage, as the latter is a means of provision; Allaah says (what means): {And marry the unmarried among you and the righteous among your male slaves and female slaves. If they should be poor, Allaah will enrich them from His bounty, and Allaah is all-Encompassing and Knowing.}[Quran 24:32]

The Prophet said: "There are three kinds of people who have the right on Allaah to help them: the Mujaahid (fighter) in the Way of Allaah, the Mukaatab (the slave who has a written deed of emancipation in return for a sum to be paid in installments to his master) who wants freedom, and the one who is going to marry therewith he seeks chastity." [At-Tirmithi]

Among women, there are those who would be pleased with what is little or who are rich and looking for a religious man who has a good moral character and who do not want any money from him.

As regards the debt that you borrowed with Riba (usurious interest) and from which you repented, then you are obliged to only repay the original sum of the loan, if you are able to, without paying any interest. For more benefit, please refer to Fataawa 86136 and 86521.

Allaah Knows best.