Husband asking for advice in illegitimate child and other marital issues
29-1-2012 | IslamWeb
Question:
aslamu alyikum, my situation is i hav been married to a new convert woman for over a year,unfortunatly we had a child before marrage, he is now 6, i am 25, and she is 28, alhumdillah since two ramadans ago i have been more keen on the deen, and seeking knowledge may Allah forgive me and let me die a shaheed. so after marriage we moved in together away from my family and hers i hopes that we will have a stronger bond, and so that i can raise my family on sunnah, but shortly after we started fiting frequently due to me insisting that we study the deen, and due to me only wanting sunnah in my house, no pictures, no music etc. with fiting and hating me, she finaly learned how to perform salah and surah al fatiah and ihknas, and she still wasnt greatful for my teaching, on the verge of divorce my mom suggested that we come to city she lived since where livied we didnt know anyone, but nothing changed, so then my wife moved away to live with her family who are all kaffir, and thers also no muslim comunity there, so since then we have been seprated, by the way we live in the u.s, so i decised to move since i felt i was a burden livin in my parents house since i am ther oldest child, and they have 3 other kids in a small house, i moved to a to do schooling so i may get a better job, and make my parents proud, and also to give dawah to some kaffirs that i knew from jahaliah, and so i actully live with two of them, and now i feel i made a mistake, i witness them partaking in there sins, drinking, smoking etc, and i dont want to fall back to my old ways, i am also so loney for i stay in the house all the time except for work, i want my wife to com live with me, or i go ther, but she wont com live with me nor will she let me come live with her, so now im thinkin of goin to the pensilvaynia, where i here they have a large community, but i have no one there, and im afraid my parents may think that i am stil not responsible, i wana learn arabic, gain knowledge, and die a shaheed
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
We advise you to do the following:
1- You should try to seek reconciliation between yourself and your wife. Since she is a new Muslim, you should teach her in a gentle and soft manner. Softness and gentleness beautify matters and when they are lacking in something, they make it burdensome and tarnished as confirmed in the authentic Sunnah (tradition) of the Prophet . Thus, it is not a sign of wisdom in Da’wah (calling to Islam) to be tough with regard to the issue of pictures and music before she has a firm grounding in the Islamic religion. It is essential to progress gradually in Da’wah.
2- Islamically, your wife is obliged to reside with you wherever you live, and it is not permissible for her to refuse to do so except for a sound reason. Thus, you should try to convince her and remind her of Allaah The Almighty.
3- You should avoid living with non-Muslims and corrupt people or sitting with them, especially when they commit sins like consuming intoxicants [alcohol] for example. This is very dangerous and it is feared that you would retrogress [leave your religion or commit grave sins and retreat to your old way] due to keeping company with them and mixing with them. For more benefit, please refer to Fataawa 85806 and 84807.
4- You should endeavor to prove to your parents that you are serious whether you move to the other state or stay where you are now. Moreover, it is not obligatory to obtain the permission of the parents when travelling for work or to acquire [Islamic] knowledge and the like, if this travel would not lead to harm.
5- You should seek pious company that would help you to be steadfast on repentance. You should contact trustworthy Islamic Centers in the country where you live. It should be noted as well that your child whom you had before conducting the marriage contract is not attributed to you and you are not (Islamically) obliged to spend on him or the like. However, if you want to be good to him by bringing him up him and bearing his expenses, then you will be rewarded for doing so as Allaah The Almighty does not cause the reward of those who do good deeds to be lost. For more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 89082.
Allaah Knows best.