The obligation of being kind and dutiful to relatives
1-12-2011 | IslamWeb
Question:
I live in a joint family. This joint family of ours includes the family of my father's sister also. I try to respect my aunt, i.e my father's sister and her whole family as much as possible, but my uncle, i.e my aunt's husband always calls me for any kind of his work whenever he feels like or needs, even when I don't feel like going. He and his children who are older than me always call me whenever they like and command me to do their works and they don't care about my own will. So, my questions are: 1. Do I have the right to refuse them to do their works, when I don't feel like doing? 2. What are the rights of my relatives over me in these kinds of situations? 3. What are the differences between the rights of my parents and the rights of my relatives in these kinds of situations?
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His slave and messenger.
You are not Islamically obliged to carry out all what the husband of your aunt or his sons ask you to do. Indeed, you have the right to refuse doing the works that you do not like to do, especially if you are embarrassed by doing them. However, when it is possible to do them without being embarrassed, then you should do them as this is an act of righteousness and goodness and Allaah The Almighty loves those who do good, and He compensates good for good.
This is of course if what they ask you to do is Islamically permissible because if it is unlawful, then you are not permitted to carry it out as there is no obedience to a creature in disobeying the Creator [Allaah The Almighty] as confirmed in the authentic Sunnah of the Prophet 
.
As regards the rights of the relatives in general, the scholars clarified it. Al-Qurtubi 
said after mentioning the rights of the general Muslims towards each other, “As regards one’s relatives; which are the blood relations of a man, who are his father and mother, then they have special rights and more, like spending on them, asking about them, and not neglecting visiting them at times of necessity. The general rights of blood relations are even confirmed in their regard, and when these rights are so many, then one must start with the most important ones.”
The relatives differ in degree; for instance the uncle is not like the cousin [the son of the uncle]; the uncle deserves more respect and honor as it is confirmed in a Hadeeth: “The uncle of a person is like his father (in regard to respect, honor, esteem…).” [Muslim]
In regard to the parents, the rights of being kind and dutiful to them are stressed even more, and one must obey them in what is permissible, and it is forbidden to cut ties with them.
Allaah Knows best.