All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.
It is permissible to use lubricants during sexual intercourse. As regards using the condoms which you mentioned in the question, then one should avoid them. Both spouses may stimulate their desire with foreplay and the like.
With regard to what you mentioned about your husband, it is a kind of masturbation. A husband instead of doing that with his hand, he may do it with his wife’s hand; this is permissible as we clarified in Fatwa 83147.
For more benefit, please refer to Fataawa 100635, 86946, 82154 and 81459.
Allaah Knows best.