Took Khul' to marry her lover but he forsook her
7-10-2009 | IslamWeb
Question:
Assalmualaikkum,
I want to take a fatwa about my love life.I was in love with someone 6 years back, but could not get married with him as i was afraid to tell my parents about him since he was 5 yrs younger to me. I was also afraid whether my parents will bear it or not, so i got married where they wanted me to. But even after my marriage i always used to think about my boyfriend and was never happy with my husband. I also used to avoid him and used to fight with him intentionally in order to be far away from him. Moreover,i was feeling very very guilty thinking that am doing a sin by thinking about someone else when being with my husband and this was making my health worst day by day.I went into depression & was losing my weight also.So i decided to take qula from him since it was becoming impossible for me to live without my boyfriend. My boyfriend also used to call me and asked me to come back to him. But coz of my younger sister, i stayed with my husband for 2 yrs only and took qula later.Due to depression, i told my mom about my love relations.My mom scolded me for this but still she agreed for me to get married with my boyfriend. But now when i want to marry my boyfriend, he does'nt want to accept me.I agree whatever i've done is a big sin for which am asking Allah's forgiveness day & night. Finally, i've decided to stay alone for my whole life since i cannot give happiness to other person and i can't be happy with him except my boyfriend. I agree this is also a sin to stay alone but i feel that it will be a big sin for me if i get married again with someone else and again thinking only about my boyfriend.I would like to know whether is it a sin for my boyfriend not to accept me now and to get married with the person where his parents ask him to? I would also like to know whether is it a sin for his parents also to force him to get married with someone else when they also know that i've spoiled my life only coz of their son? Awaiting your early reply.
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His Slave and Messenger.
It is prohibited for the Muslim woman to have an affectionate relationship with a non-Mahram man as we previously clarified in Fatwa 81356. The instability of your life may be the result of the curse of this sin. How could you as a Muslim woman accept to be attached to that young man while you are the wife of another man? If you had true determination, you could have easily forgotten him since curing passionate love is easy for the one whom Allaah makes it easy for. We previously clarified the ways of treating love sickness in Fatwa 84544.
Indeed, it is not strange that you do not feel happy with your husband as long as you are attached to that young man, but the bitter reality is that this young man spoilt your relationship with your husband and this act of spoiling the relationship between a wife and her husband is prohibited as previously clarified in Fatwa 92056. At the end, you neither kept your husband nor got married to that young man. In fact, he is not sinful for not marrying you, and neither are his parents sinful for preventing him from marrying you. This young man is not obliged by the Sharee‘ah to marry you; rather, he may marry you or any other woman. Moreover, his marriage to the other girl may be his own choice and out of his dutifulness to his parents. Undoubtedly, you wronged yourself when you sought Khul‘ from your husband in order to marry that young man, knowing that a woman may be allowed to seek Khul‘ once she is sure it is impossible to live with her husband.
On the other hand, you should not consider quitting marriage forever; as this is against the Sunnah of the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam. Marriage may become obligatory when the person fears falling into temptation if he does not marry. You can see the ruling on marriage in Fataawa 84026 and 81835.
As for the depression you feel, you can cure it by resorting to Allaah The Almighty and supplicating Him. You should review your relationship with Allaah, do many righteous deeds and befriend the righteous women. By doing so, you will be on the right track with the permission of Allaah.
Finally, it would be fine if you returned to your first husband and got married to him again. Otherwise, look for a righteous man to marry him and seek help of your Muslim sisters in finding one. We ask Allaah The Almighty to facilitate your affairs and grant you a husband who will be a comfort to your eyes.
Allaah Knows best.