Parents interfering in their married son's personal affairs
20-5-2009 | IslamWeb
Question:
Asalaamu alaikum,
I am trying to understand the parents rights over their married son and the decisions he makes with his wife. Assuming all choices made are halal:
1) Does an adult, married son have to obey his mother/father if they try to tell him where he can or cannot live or how he should spend his money or that he can't accept money from his wife (e.g. allow her to pay for some of his expenses)?
2) If the wife is also contributing financially, and they make decisions together as a couple, can his parents make him change the decision citing their parental authority over him?
3) Is he considered disobedient (thus sinful) if he doesn't do what his parents say in these matters?
4) If we are to be completely obedient to our parents, how do we handle situations like the above where our parents tell us to do one thing but we (and our spouse want to do another thing or we think it is not best for us)?
Jazakallah Khair
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His Slave and Messenger.
First of all, you should know that the parents have a great right on their son: he should be dutiful and kind to them, and obedient to them in what is good. For further information, please refer to Fataawa 82254 and 84529. We have also previously clarified in Fatwa 84942 the limits of obeying parents, and under which circumstance the son becomes undutiful to them if he does not obey them.
On the other hand, it is not permissible for the parents to interfere in their son's personal affairs, in what is not of their business, and in what might put him in a critical situation, like the place of residence, the understanding between him and his wife about their expenses, and the like. Moreover, it is not obligatory on the son to obey their commands in that respect. But at the same time, he should be so lenient with them that he can do what he likes without displeasing them. That is possible and could be realized by virtue of rationality and wisdom.
Allaah Knows best.