Her abusive husband preferred his relatives over her and his children
6-4-2009 | IslamWeb
Question:
asallamolaikum,
i was a new revert at the time i got married. when i got married my husband was an illegal here in the states. i was never given a dowry. not even offered one. i was never given a wedding, honeymoon, when we married it was in city hall. i also didnt have a maharam (guardien). when i married my husband i later found out that he was sending all his money back home to his country to support his sister, her family, etc... it was thousands of dollars he had given them. i wanted to leave but had become pregnant with in the first month of marriage and he told me that the marriage was valid because we did it in the city hall. that the traditional marriage contract was'nt necessary. i now am very hostile because through everything i have seen my husband pay for his brohter to get married in luxary back in tunisia. please keep in mind i have no family i been living here in seclusion for 4 years we had another child. i was abused physcially and i really seek answers on weather or not my marriage is even VALID. i also was hit so bad that he broke my ear drum and i have lost hearing in my ear. which he refuses to pay for. i try to be a good muslim and forgive but i am just falling deeper and deeper into depression. only ALLAH keeps me going alhumduallah. i woud also like to add that my husband has my children and i living in an unsafe enviroments because he has given all his money over seas to his family and we are now living impovershed. from what i read a muslim husband can not give extravegence to his relatives and leave his wife and kids with out a house of their own. we are still going through immigration and i am wondering at this point if i should even give him his green card. i dont want to be UNJUST and put my anger ahead of what is islamically correct. i would appreciate your opinion on the matter thank you and allah khalieki
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
The presence and consent of the guardian is a condition for the validity of the marriage contract according to the opinion of the majority of the scholars 
. If a woman does not have a Muslim guardian, then it is the Muslim community who will marry her off. Therefore, if a Muslim man other than your husband married you off, then your marriage to your husband is valid and the place where the marriage contract took place is not important. Besides, not specifying the dowry does not affect the validity of marriage; in which case the wife deserves the same dowry of women of the same social status like her. Moreover, it is not Islamicly an obligation to organize a wedding festival or a honey moon.
However, if this marriage took place without a guardian, then it is a void marriage and it must be invalidated. However, if there are any children from this marriage, they should be traced back to their father because he married you believing that the marriage contract was valid. Then, if both of you want to continue the marital life, you may renew the marriage contract fulfilling the conditions and pillars of a correct marriage; for more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 83629.
On the other hand, if we presume that the contract is renewed, then we advise you to be keen on achieving the stability of the family, especially with the existence of the children who need a righteous fosterer. Nonetheless, if we presume that separation takes place between you and him, then we advise you to not prevent your husband from residing in that country if the law gives you the authority to do so, because the children need to see their father and need his nurturing. In addition to this, he is the one who is obliged to spend on them [even if divorce takes place]. Therefore, it could be better for him to stay there.
The following matters should be mentioned;
1- A husband is not permitted to abuse his wife by hitting her; because this is a clear injustice, and this contradicts living with the wife in kindness, as Allaah Says (what means): {And live with them in kindness.}[Quran 4:19] For more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 89480.
2- A husband is obliged to spend on his wife and children and provide them with an accommodation in a safe place. If he is able to buy a house, then this is better than renting it, as this is a means of achieving stability. Moreover, the right of one’s wife and children in spending on them and providing them with accommodation comes in priority over other members of his family.
3- With regard to the disability which you had in your ear, if you completely lost the ability of hearing (in that ear), and your husband did not do that purposefully, then he is obliged to pay half of the Diyah; for more benefit, please refer to Fataawa 102388 and 101103. However, if the function of the ear did not stop completely, but it just decreased, then he owes you compensation [an amount of money] that must be decided by people of experience. If you and your husband disagree about the matter and you did not reach an agreement, then you should consult one of the Islamic centres.
4- The marital life should be based on fulfilling each other’s rights, and forgiving each other’s mistakes, otherwise it will be full of problems which will negatively affect the whole family. For more benefit, please refer to Fataawa 85308 and 83157.
Allaah Knows best.