Sharing Religious Spirituality with Spouse

09/01/2019| IslamWeb

Question

Assalamu alaykum: I have been married for a few years. My husband agreed to accept Islam. We agreed to live as Muslims by performing the prayer and the fast to begin with. Praise be to Allah, we lived good years practicing Islam together and even managed to get out of interest by selling some of our property. To give you a brief background about my family, I love my husband and I believe he loves me too. Unfortunately, something happened, but only Allah, the Exalted, knows best. The problem that is pressing me hard is loneliness within my house. In fact, I am a God-fearing person, and I do not go out to seek friends; instead, I enjoy my time studying or knowing the knowledge of Allah, which I feel was neglected before in our life. My husband on the other hand developed another lifestyle, in which he claims he has his own way of seeking Islamic spirituality; that is the center of our problem, because he spends the whole night on his laptop, and in between, I remind him of the prayer, but he does not give me trouble for that, praise be to Allah. This makes me feel sad and neglected in so many ways, so lonely and frustrated. I tried to advise him to change our habit and balance our life. The result of mentioning the problem is that things have escalated to the point that he says that I am bothering him or that we do not understand each other because his level of faith is not equal to mine, while my aim is to share the good religion and the nearness of Allah that I enjoy with him so as to motivate him to learn the basic rules of the prayer, which he does not know exactly, or the Quran. He told me that it is enough for him to look at the sky and that that inspires him, and that the lectures of Hamza Yusuf suffice. In short, I wish I could share the religion with my husband. The other problem is that it is I who is always looking for a solution to maintain my family, my husband does not seem to not know what is bothering me. When I ask him, he becomes rude and tells me that he does not know or that this is how he is and that I should adjust myself to our differences in a life in which religion is private and I am bound to a lonely life and he as well.

Answer

To the best of my understanding of the situation that you are facing, you first need to understand that life is a test and that Allah is the Most Wise. He chose this husband for you for a reason, and that is to establish the religion of Allah in the most perfect way. Your concerns are valid, but what are the ways to face this situation? Here are some points of advice:

1- Strengthen your relationship with Allah, make a lot of istighfar (asking for forgiveness), supplicate, read Quran, and so on, and especially wake up in the last third of the night and ask Allah for help.

2- As long as your husband prays, then be patient with him, treat him well, and suggest to him to teach you something in the religion or to ask a sheikh a question for you, so do something indirect that would get him involved in an indirect way.

3- Often times, people think about the religion as such a huge burden and physical challenge, so try to make it easy for your husband. If he is not praying in the masjid, encourage him to do so and to take you with him when there is a lecture or a sisters’ gatherings and things like that.

4- The environment is very important, so consult with those in your community who are upon the Sunnah of the Prophet, may Allah exalt his mention, to attract him to their events in the masjid or so.

May Allah make it easy for you and bless your marriage.